You and Me of the 10,000 Wars
Joanie smiled as humming woke her the next morning. Paul was in the shower. Her eyes drooped open, and a smile spread across her face.
Her left hand reached out for her discarded panties. Hmm..the sheets were thinner than she remembered.
And lumpier.
And breathing!
She jackknifed into a sitting position and stared down at Sean Waltman, who lay on Paul's side of the bed. It took all of her strength not to scream as she pulled her underwear on and retreated into the bathroom. She tore open the shower curtain. Paul's reaction (which was to attempt to grab his soapy privates in embarrassment, but his hand slid right off) would have amused her under normal circumstances. Not now.
"SEAN is in our bed!" She exclaimed.
"Sean?" He leaned closer to her, whispering in a softer voice, "What the hell is Sean doing back?"
"Back from where?"
"I told him to bunk with Mark and Glenn tonight."
"Did you tell him to take his wallet?
"No."
Joanie nudged him, "Paul! He came back for Blankie-poo!"
Paul slapped his forehead, "Shit, I forgot about that!"
Blankie-poo was Sean Waltman's secret shame; a five-inch piece left from his baby blanket, which had disintegrated to the point that he could carry it, folded up, in his wallet. The man couldn't sleep without it.
"Can we sneak out?" Joanie whispered. But, to their horror, Sean opened the door.
"You still have that Girl, H? I could use a piece of ASSSAAAJOANIEE!!!!" He screamed, and tied the towel he had slung over his waist even tighter.
The three friends looked at each other for some sort of explanation, and finally Sean asked ,"What the hell is this about?"
Both instantaneously began to spout out a story about rain, and wet clothing, and a wedding reception.
"Hold it!" Sean took in everything in front of him, "Underwear..." He ran out of the room, and entered it again, " YOUR good dress crumpled on the floor." He indicated Joanie, "YOUR good tux on the chair. Bags and boxes of eaten food from the French gourmet place across the street. A boom box with an Indigo Girls tape in it. And, If I'm not mistaken," He produced something at the bottom of the pile.
"That's my wallet!" Paul protested.
"Yep," Sean poked his finger into the empty space glaring from Paul's wallet, "Missing condom." He looked up at them in plain-faced shock, "You guys were doing it."
The couple exchanged unreadable glances. "Uh,,,,Yeah.." The said together.
"How long has this been going on? Did you...in my bed?" He asked. They sheepishly looked at each other, "YAY!" He extorted
"Don't 'EEW' us!" Joanie protested "It's not purely a physical relationship.....Yay?! What do you mean 'Yay?'"
"How long?"
"A month."
"I've been sleeping in your wet spot for a month?!"
"You have not been sleeping in my wet spot!"
"Can I put some pants on before we discuss this?" Paul asked.
A few minutes later, Sean listened intently as a clothed Joanie and Paul explained their relationship.
"So we don't want anyone hearing a word about this." Paul concluded.
"NO ONE!" Joanie emphasized.
"Not even Jesse and Billy?" Sean asked.
"No way! Jesse is a gossip and Billy has a tendency to retain information only for the purpose of using it against them later."
"We're trusting you with our secret, Sean."
He smiled up at the two of them, "Aww! I think the idea of you guys together is great!" He hugged them up by the waist. "I won't tell, I promise."
Paul and Joanie accepted Sean's word. "Otherwise, we'll tell about Mr. Blankie." Paul added. He noticed that Sean blanched.
"I have to go," Joanie said, "Nicole will be up soon."
Paul kissed Joanie on the cheek, and she returned the affection with a peck on the lips. Paul peeked through a crack in the door, made sure the coast was clear, and sent Joanie on her way. He heaved himself onto the bed with a tired sigh.
"Do you think you'll marry her?" Sean asked.
Paul said, without a second's regret, "I'd marry her in a heartbeat if she'd say yes."
Sean soberly nodded, "Did you know that Jaccobs snores?" He returned.
With intense caution, Joanie sneaked down the hallway, her shoes in her hand. Punching her room key into the slot, she peeked in. Nicole's bed seemed filled, which sent a spiral of relief down her breast. She eased the door shut and tiptoed to her bed.
When she flicked on the side lamp, she saw Nicole standing in front of the mirror.
"Where have you been on all night?" Nicole asked, her brow split into a frown, "Spill it, sister."