Your Own Girl
If a leaf falls down in the woods, does anyone hear it?
I don't think so.
But I'll pretend that it can be, screaming in the night, begging for attention. Like me in the women's division.
Nothing like being told you don't fit into the current scheme of things. Leaves poor lil' me to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.
Is it the set of my jaw? My nose? My eyes?
Oh, that's right: they think I look like a man.
I watch my fingertips as they flex against the trunk of a poplar; at midnight, I'm here and alone. Booker is a million miles away in Seattle.
I miss him. Random thought.
Torrie told me, once, that the woods can heal you up; I don't doubt her word. I don't feel lonely for anything when I'm here....but Booker.
Rocks roll down from this hill I'm standing on; you can hear each one as they hit bottom, and sometimes, I can almost imagine what it would feel like to follow them down. Those leaves crunch beneath my feet; part of the groundwork, now, no one will know of their descent.
But life is worth living at any level. So I come down from those heights without jumping.
I don't quite know how much longer I can last without a new job. Don't want to be the delinquent party in this relationship. Don't want to be the weak one. I really never should moved out of the whole Paisley gig; big hair, purple clothing, big boots; I was a Goddess, back then.
Right now no one has a clue as to where I'm going. Just hope it's a good place.
Just hoping that somewhere, I'm loved.
And hoping that you'll remember me...somehow. That I won't just fade away within your minds.
Remember me, some how; I'm still here. Just waiting for a new opportunity. My fingers are crossed, but you never know....
Why do I even bother? I'll be forgotten; I'm sure of that. Shouldn't I look to myself for support? I guess I have to; I'm the only thing I really own.
All that keeps the bottom from falling out of this life is me. Guess I should start living for her, now.