The Flourescent Banana
"You're sure I don't look ridiculous?" Stephanie McMahon asked her long-time lover, Joanie Lauer, as she pushed at the bodice of her costume.
"You look beautiful, baby." Joanie remarked, pushing the gold post of her earring into her earlobe.
Stephanie gestured down the length of her body, "Beautiful?! Joanie, I'm a banana!" She was wearing a plastic, hard-shelled Form of a peeled banana over a long-sleeved yellow Uni-tard, complete with a Chiquita banana badge of approval where her stomach should be. It had been made from green Pasteboard and black marker, and made her feel altogether ridiculous.
"But you're a cute banana!" She laughed, pecking Stephanie's forehead with a quick kiss.
Stephanie pouted, "Don't patronize me!" She snorted, "Look at you!"
Joanie placed her hand upon an ample bosom, "Yeah, getta load o' me!" She adjusted her fruit-topped headdress as it listed to one side. Her multi-colored Spanish dancing costume showed off acres of black-nylon coated leg, and the sloping décolletage bared most of her creamy breast to view.
"I'm glad we're only going to be here with the guys tonight," Steph thought to herself, "I want her all to myself!"
In fact, it was taking every ounce of her moral fibre not to throw her on the bed and practice some of her newly-acquired skills upon her tender body....In fact, it would only take a minute to yank down her top and throw those skirts over her head and ravish her with the strap-on she kept in the bottom right dresser drawer..
The doorbell rang, silencing libidinous thought firmly.
Joanie bobby-pinned two remaining forelocks behind her head before donning the headdress one more time. "OK," She said, grabbing her casinetes, "Let's run a quick check..Refreshments?"
"Check," She said, pointing to the overstocked table that sat in the living room as it was passed.
"Videos?"
"I've got Carrie and Mommie Dearest."
"Mommie Dearest?!"
"I'd call that a horror story."
Once again, the doorbell blared. Joanie sighed indulgently, "Fine. Games?"
"Bobbing for apples set up there. Dance floor set up here."
"Treat bags?"
"On the refreshment table.:"
Joanie gave the room one final glance before smiling approvingly, pecking Steph's lips, and twisting the door knob.
"Oooga booga!" A large man in an ape costume bellowed, making Stephanie hop a bit herself.
Joanie recognized the Ape's companion, and threw her arms around him, "Hiya, Paulie."
Paul Levesque gave his former valet a quick squeeze, then ducked away, avoiding her incoming headdress, "Happy Halloween, Jo."
"Happy Halloween, Kurt," She added with a smirk.
"How did you know it was me?!" Kurt asked.
Jo and Paul exchanged a long-suffering look.
"Come in, make yourself at home.." Steph said.
"Don't spill on the sofa!" Joanie added as they pushed past her onto the dance floor.
A few moments later, the doorbell rang once more. Two capped figures swept into the room.
"Hi Adam, hi Jase," Joanie said, her tone blasé.
Jase dropped his cape back over his eyes, "Adam said you wouldn't recognize us!"
"You're only wearing plastic vampire teeth and brylcreame in your hair," She tapped the top of Adam's head, "You look like a member of the Fonz Clan."
"Thanks, Carmen Miranda rites!" Adam retorted, "Come on, Jase, hey, Steph, do you guys have those hard-boiled eggs in the shape of eyes?"
"Wah?" Steph asked.
"You know; you take a boiled egg and scoop out the center, and replace it with those green olives. Then you paint veins and stuff all over them with blue icing." Jason explained.
Steph turned a pale shade of green, "Lovely," She muttered.
"His mom made them for Halloween all of the time," Adam said, "They SO ruled!" The two high-fived as they went to discover the buffet table.
Four seconds later, the doorbell rang again. It was Brian, who came wearing a hooded trench coat.
"Oh!" Steph intuited, "You came as the fisherman from I Know What You Did Last Summer."
Jesse shook his head, shedding his coat and revealing a shaggy grey dog costume, complete with a large red collar and name tag that read "Toto".
"Hey, where's Dorothy?" Joanie teased.
"She," He said, putting careful, heavily sarcastic emphasis on the first word, "Decided to fly over the rainbow with Vinny's flying monkies."
"Billy's sleeping with the Hardys?" Steph asked.
Joanie choked on a sip of punch, "No, no; Jeff's with Mark and Matt's with Glenn, remember?"
"Think shorter and taller."
They exchanged puzzled noise.
Jesse sighed in exasperation and made a high-pitched squealing noise.
"Ooh! The RTC! He didn't?! With Bull and Charlie?"
"No, with Sean and Mike."
Both women hissed their sympathy for Jesse.
"Hey, the monster mash mends a broken heart.." Paul shouted from the dance floor, "And I need someone to hold up this train.."
"I'm getting too used to pulling your train.." Jesse snorted.
"Ooh! Good one!" Kurt remarked, twisting his hips wildly.
Jesse shrugged and entered into a three-way dance.
"If you need someone to talk to.." Joanie started to say, but he enmeshed himself in the dance.
The bell buzzed once more, and This time Steph answered. To her disappointment, Mark hadn't put much thought into his costume at all; he'd come in a leather vest, jeans and boots. Jeff, however, had put great imagination into his costume; his coochie cutters accented matching high red leather boots and matching bandanna, hair and vest.
"Hi Stephie! I'm a cycle slut!" Jeff giggled.
Steph rose an eyebrow and looked up at Mark.
He shrugged, "It was his idea."
"Maybe you two would like to start one of our games.." Joanie suggested, "We have Charades, apple bobbing, guess the substance..."
"Hey Jeff, wanna have a candy eating contest?" Adam yelled.
Jeff skipped over to the refreshment table, trailing a bored Mark behind him.
Joanie pulled a bowl of candy off of the table, hiding it in wait for trick-or-treaters, forcing Steph to answer the door once more.
Matt and Glenn appeared next in the most creative costume of the night. Glenn, in a green leotard and tunic, was Peter Pan, and Matt, with top hat, nightshirt, and umbrella, was John.
"Jeff! I told you not to eat too much candy!"
"Muggrhsph" Jeff responded, as he stood face-down in a bowl of M&M's, siphoning them up.
"Mark! Couldn't you have put ANY thought into your costume?" Jeff criticized.
"Hypcryticalasshole," Mark snorted into his fist.
Joanie felt relieved as the last couple arrived.
"Let the Rock show you how to dance, Jabronies," He instructed, hiking up his bell-bottomed pants to demonstrate some move.
Shane McMahon sighed elaborately. "What's wrong with Jesse?"
"He's been put up for adoption," Steph mused.
"Billy dumped him? Poor kid." Shane's eyes filled with predatory lust for a millisecond.
Having enough of Paul and Duane standing nose-to-nose on the dance floor and Adam and Jeff's a sugar coma Joanie flicked on the TV set.
"Anyone up for some flicks?"
****
Not a peep was uttered for the first hour of Carrie. At least until Jesse started to bawl.
Jesse sniffled, "This reminds me of Billy..."
Joanie's brow wrinkled, "You don't look anything like Sissy Spacek or William Kitt."
"Shhhssh! The best part is coming." Adam hissed.
"You mean when Carrie electrocutes Carrie Fisher?" Jeff asked.
"OOOh! That SO Reeks of awesomeness!" Jase crowed.
Stephanie, meanwhile, sat studying the effect of light refracting off of Joanie's breasts. What would it be like to eat her by the light of a TV? Maybe in a movie theater, in the last two seats, all alone in the sticky darkness....
Like right now.
"Hey, who turned out the lights?!" Matt complained.
"Oooh! The dark makes me feel so naughty!" Jeff giggled.
"Everything makes you feel naughty!" Mark retorted.
"Shane, that's not Duane's thigh!" Jesse called.
Bang! Bang! Bang!!
The whole group screamed in terror! They turned around in every direction, trying to find the source of the noise.
There was a figure pressed against the Bay windows!
"It's Carrie! She's come to revenge herself on us for being popular!" Wailed Kurt.
"He's not to bright, is he?" Noted Jeff.
The figure pounded it's fist against the windows, sending the group scrambling to the floor, clutching whatever fell beneath there hands
Then, the figure spoke!
"Jess-eee!! Jesss-eee!!"
"It wants Jesse!" Gasped Matt.
Shane surfaced, "He's here, Mr. Monster! Right here!"
Jesse popped up from his place on the floor, "That isn't a monster! It's Billy!"
Jesse hurdled the couch and ran out the front door. The rest of the party couldn't hear the animated conversation, but apparently all ended well..and on a kiss.
They strolled away, arm-in-arm.
"Well, that's a fine howdy-do!" Complained Mark.
"I guess that means the party's over," Jase decided.
"Just as well; I feel sick." Jeff said.
"Yeah, me too." Adam agreed; "Hey, maybe the ice cream shop is open..."
"Guess that's our cue," Mark said.
"Yeah, and you're riding with us, boys!" Glenn proclaimed, linking arms with Matt.
Jeff shook his head and gave Steph puppy-dog looks, "Do I look like an adult to you?"
"You look adult enough to me," Shane drooled.
Duane studied his lover's behavior silently, "This'll give us a good chance to discuss a certain someone's behavior," He muttered. "Oh, and nice costume, Steph."
"But..wait! We didn't play the games! And I have forty finger sandwiches left..."
Paul gave Joanie a final hug, "You gave it the old college try, girls," Paul said, "It's kinda late, anyway."
Kurt slipped right next to Paul and wrapped an arm around his waist, "Hey, these costumes aren't due back for a whole night..."
A wicked grin crossed Paul's face, "Want to discover what Skull Island Love is like?"
Kurt pounded his chest and grunted.
Joanie was already cleaning by the time Steph shut the door behind them. She frowned even as the power came back on.
"All of this work and we only got half way through the party!"
"Well, I guess it's for the best, baby," Steph wrapped her arms around Jo, "Gives us some quality time, doesn't it?"
Joanie grinned, "I've been seeing those looks you've been giving me all night," She teased.
"She's psychic!" Steph crowed.
Jo slapped Stephanie lightly on her cheeks, "Go on upstairs, baby."
Steph grinned, her step a little lighter as she shed the ridiculous costume. Guess I'm going to get some candy after all, She thought.
"Oh Steph?"
"Yeah baby?"
"I think these bananas are made of SuperSkin."
Steph's step became a dead run.