Athena and Aphrodite
Yeah. I think I chose right.
He understands that I love this; what I did before. And everyone knows just how good I was at it; they don't just hand out these gold medals, you know.
Not unless you duplicate them.
God, I feel guilty.
Maybe I shouldn't leave him behind to try out Atlanta again. Isn't there too much temptation on the road? Well, not that much for a gay man, but there's enough going around. Believe me, I know.
I can't imagine being away from him for so long.
"But I understand," He keeps telling me, "You've got to chase your dreams, babe." He has dreams, too; sometimes, I wonder if they'll ever come true.
He came with me to Rocky Top holding this smile on his face, and I lie in bed, watching him sleep. Still holding on tight.
I can't stop watching just to sleep. I just know he'll be gone soon.
The best part about training in Tennessee (his idea, probably because he lives here. Wanted us to be closer) is the wrestling history. It turns you into a darned Rhodes scholar. Look at someone like Eddie Gilbert; he wanted to run one little territory in one little corner of the universe. Lawler didn't leave, Eddie got frustrated and drugged himself to death, and the entire territory collapsed. Vince owns Tennessee; he owns all of us now.
I've been absorbing history; to hold onto him. To hold onto 'The Business', so all of this "amateur shit", as Vince once called my training, doesn't tempt me into teching kickball to third graders for the rest of my life.
So I'm off chasing the sacred cow again.
You know, I see that life is all about dreaming successfully. Even when I'm just trying to find that one hope that's already come true. But help me; I want it back again. I want to hear a thousand people from every participating nation on the planet cheer my name; I want to feel an entire country put it's weight behind me. And I want to know for sure that, not only do I still have it, I have more 'it' than any of the kids competing out there today.
Maybe it's selfish, but it's nice to be thought of as the best.
I don't need to tell you that no one thinks of me that way around here.
Not the fans, of course; they're doing the right thing...getting me over. I'm talking about management. Let's just say that I know what a glass ceiling feels like. My forehead's been bruised to hell by it; women of the world, I feel for you.
Yeah, I'm a melodramatic slob, too.
But the facts don't change; it feels right. When I step into a chalk circle, when I wait for the impact of my bone upon my opponent's, I am my element. It's my god, my devil, my reason for existence.
And I guess, if that means leaving him behind...I'm willing to do it. If life comes down to choices, I'll make the one that benefits my world the most.
But the conflict never does cease: to the end, it's money or passion; sex or charity. Athena and Aphrodite, staring me down, demanding I choose between them.
To the exclusion of all else.