Babypappa



"And as you can see," Nelson Mundtz said, kicking a tire on the new Powers Supurbaria, "Powers makes a Pow-Pow-Powerful car.  So, can I get you to test drive this baby?"

 

The woman, a spinstery type with dark-rimmed glasses and sharp features, shook her head.  "I don't think so, no."

 

"We've got a sale - thirty percent off your first year's interest on the '25 models."

 

"Young man," she said, moving away from his advancing form, "I don't want to buy a car from you.  Now if you will excuse me!"

 

Nelson moved out of the woman's way, embarrassed to be so desperate. 

 

***

 

At quitting time, on his way home, Nelson wondered why his latest attempt at a sale had fallen through.  It was true that the lots were pretty dead due this time of the year - in late summer, people were concerned with their children, buying them things, keeping them in school.  So was he, even though his sons were now in their twenties.

 

Indio and Cheyenne, his sons from Terri, and Bill and Michael, his sons from Sherri, had been the great driving force in Nelson's life in the early years.  He was forced, all but at gunpoint, to make his life work for them - and though he had fought as hard as he possibly could have, they had prevented him from foolishly wasting his life.

 

It was Terri who had tracked him down when he ran away after the kid's birth.  She had a legal order - something forcing him to help her support their boys.  He willingly came back to town before Sherri could do something just as bad to him. 

 

Calmly, there was a discussion between the three of them.  He would pay a little out of his check, but Sherri and Terri would provide the main amount of support for the children.  What they wanted Nelson to do, until he got a job, was take care of what he had helped create.

 

That was asking a lot of him.  Almost too much.

 

At the time, he had still been the wild, cocky quarterback who bedded every girl he could seduce - and his position as The Best Football Player Springfield High Ever Graduated brought many a girl his way.  Accidentally impregnating both twins within days of each other would never go down as his finest hour - worse, he knew that Sherri had a crush on Bart, who was very much in love at the time with Jenda.  He had ever used it to his advantage.  Burdened with guilt, he forced himself to buckle down and care for the four babies while looking for a job.

 

Fortunately for him, Sky High Used Cars had an opening.

 

His years as a pup trainee there were among his happiest - even if the guy who taught him the art of the deal - a loser named Gil - had the worst luck he'd ever seen.  Eventually, he supplanted Gil, becoming one o fthe top ten salesman with the chain. 

 

Sherri and Terri, who had opened a toy shop and had better hours than he, were primary caretakers for the boys.  All six of them lived in the same house - one paid for, undoubtedly, by their daddy.  But when the weekends would come, Nelson would go out to see the boys.  And when school conferences came around, he made sure his voice was heard.  Eventually he scored enough cash to buy his own double-wide, and the boys had bedrooms and a second place to stay.

 

As they grew into manhood -and as far away from their parents as they could manage - Nelson tried to keep up correspondence.  Indio worked with a rodeo  - Cheyenne had a monster truck.  Bill showed dogs.  Michael was an office drone.  They lived on every coast, and it was nearly impossible for him to keep track of them.

 

They insisted they loved him - Nelson was too tough to wonder if it was true.

 

He hadn't been a bad father, he decided.  Plenty of weekends had been spent with them - they had fished and gone to arcades.  He took a definite interest in their schooling.  But there had always been a tug of war between himself and Sherri, himself and Terri - a battle to influence the boys.

 

Sometimes, he remembered the age of seventeen - his best year, the year before his troubles really began (some might say he had a troubled childhood, a dysfunctional one, but he had only peripherally been aware of that).  He had been in love with a sweet girl year younger than he - the daughter of Krusty the Klown.  Sophie had been musical and filled with gravitas, an artist - she vaguely reminded him of the ever-unattainable Lisa Simpson, but in his eyes she had Lisa beat in every way.  He had been planning on marrying her, even if that required converting, but then fate had divided them in the form of two blue lines on two white sticks.

 

He laughed - had to laugh - at himself for becoming Springfield's answer to Al Bundy.  Well, he had it better than Al.  A new car every few years as a sales incentive helped his self-esteem - not that he'd ever admit that it flagged.

 

Pulling up a long dirt road, Nelson noticed that his mailbox - which was once white and spelled "Munzt" - sported splotches of rust and read "Uzt".  He reached out his car window and unlatched the box, pulling out a small pile of mail.

 

The bills were never-ending, and he all but ignored them as he dumped the pile to the passenger-side seat.  At the bottom was an envelope with fancy writing - now there was something unusual - and he pulled it free and ripped it open.

 

"Huh," he said, scanning the page.  "I'll be a sunuvva..." Bart Simpson had invited him to his wedding.  He remembered the plucky little squirt from their childhood escapades - he had always wanted to fit in with Nelson's crowd.  Nelson ran fingers through his thinning hair, remembering that he didn't even have a crowd anymore.  Kearny worked in the school system, Dolph was a security guard....what he hell did Jimbo do now?  None of them cared to keep in contact with each other after high school. 

 

But Bart Simpson remembered him. 

 

He felt a little lighter.  He wouldn't have to spend this Saturday at Moe's Tavern, trying to look twenty years younger in an ill-fitting toupee.  He'd get to hang out with people his age for once.

 

Hell, why not?  He headed inside to RSPV. 

.


The End