Good Morning, Gangy
Raven covered his distaste with his usual brand of professionalism.
"Gee! It looks...yummy!" He said, his voice once again high and squeaky. "I'll take a taste, just for you!" Gingely, Raven pressed his fork to the kelp log, breaking it in half. Painfully, he carried it to his mouth and, slowly, chewed the log. All eyes were on him, excited to discover what a Kelpie Squash really tasted like.
Tears sprang to his eyes! His jaw quivered, his nose ran and his eyes itched. Quickly, he swallowed the contents of his mouth.
A loud sob burst from his mouth and he uttered "Oh God!!" The producers gasped in alarm. He covered, "It's so good it brings tears to my eyes." And then he ate the rest of the log before anyone could question his fidelity.
Cheer echoed through Steven's cavernous halls. He smirked, self-satisfied, and slapped Raven on the back. The poor Angel choked but kept up a brave front in front of the group.
Big silver platters lined with green kelp logs were passed around the table and, once by one, Each guest daintily bit into their log, some masking incredible pain. When the platter was passed to Edge, his eyes went wide and, with a deft hand, he unbelted his pants and dropped his pants, revealing a bright gold thong.
"Oh dear!" He piped, "It seems I've lost my belt!" He then knelt and crawled under the table, groping in "search" of his lost clothing item. A roomful of zippers unzipped simultaneously.
"No!" Steven's voice demanded, "No orgies at the dinner table!" Grumbling voices accompanied the sound of a few zippers zipping.
Christian's lips turned green as a kelp log was placed before him, "Um, I'm a..fruititarian...I can't eat vegetables!"
The gentleman closest to him frowned as he speared a stem of broccoli, "But I thought I saw you eat a whole rare steak a moment ago."
Christian's eyes bugged out and he shouted, an index finger pointed, "MURDERER!! You're KILLING a defenseless piece of broccoli!!"
Steven dropped his fork, declaring the discussion over without words, "I believe it's time for a little..entertainment."
*****
For minutes later, Raven was waltzing across the floor, his arms wrapped around Stevie as someone warbled, "Toucha Toucha Touch Me," From Rocky Horror picture show. He stuffed a finger into his left ear.
"She's not the best Susan Sarrandon impersonator I've heard," He opined to Stevie.
Stevie frowned, "That is Susan Sarrandon."
Raven was swept across the room as Susan herself floated before his eyes, stuck in that old Rocky Horror slip. Two guns were pointed at each of her temples, two bodyguards keeping them aloft. She held a pink posterboard sign before her body, across which was scrawled in lipstick, "Help me, you big blond oafs!"
He lay his head back on Steven's shoulder, watching the room whirl around. Edge and Christian huddled in a corner, batting back babbling and apparently horny potential dates. A tiny, Christmas-Tree-sized light bulb seemed to go off in Edge's head, and he pointed straight ahead of him. Steven turned Raven around in the rhythm of the dance, allowing Raven to follow Edge's pointing finger to Justin's back pocket.
He gasped softly, covering it with a little nip to Steven's neck. In Justin's back pocket...It couldn't be! In all of the darndest coincidences!! There seemed to be a black, slim plastic box sticking out of his back pocket, clearly labeled: "Steven's Smile".
Edge reacted quickly as Susan began to belt out a squeaky version of "Not Fade Away." He sauntered up to Justin, tapped him on his shoulder, and, in a Mae Westian voice, purred, "Hiya, Big Boy. Wanna dance?"
Justin grinned lecherously and immediately began to paw Edge, "Sure!" He piped. They stumbled onto the floor and Edge smooshed himself against Justin, groping at his behind obscenely.
Steven rose a brow, "Is that the latest dance?" He asked, grabbing Raven by the rump and squeezing.
Raven winced, but ground back against Steven.
Meanwhile, Edge wrestled with Justin's rump and, in all truth, his back pockets. An obscene ripping noise sounded; Edge smiled weakly, coming away with two handfuls of denim, Justin's ripped out pockets.
"The smile!" Christian shouted, watching as the box clattered to the floor. He dove for it, only to flop belly-first into a punchbowl filled with Kelp-Kick; Steven's latest attempt at a soft drink.
Raven's heart filled with horror as a dozen or more guns were withdrawn and pointed at his Co-Angels.
"Umm...Toucha..Toucha...Ah shit," Christian groaned.