Glennane Family Tradition
Even if you're not a spy, honeymooning can be a difficult, frustrating and elusively irritating. Your enemies will assume you're vulnerable and try to take you out, so it's important to stay vigilant against poisonings, bombs and, of course, the occasional gun battle. But te little, universal things that happen to every Joe and Jane Friday when they travel can and will happen to you and your little lady, no matter how many Benjamins you slipped to your travel agent before you left.
Sam started blankly at the person behind the desk. "You sold our rooms?"
"Company policy, sir," said the flat-voiced attendant as she clicked away at her keyboard. Sam immediately covered for his disappointment.
Sam had come too far across the world to even consider disappointment at this juncture in their travels. "How much would it cost to make that 'policy' go away?" he asked, slipping her a hundred dollar bill. Then, in a confidential, low voice, he whispered, "the missus had her heart set on a suite facing the cliffs." He jerked his head in Fiona's direction - she sat in a white sundress and an enormous black-rimmed hat, reading a fashion magazine.
"Newlyweds?" the woman asked, her Irish accent thick with sentimentality.
"Mum's the word, but we're Charles and Charlotte Finley, married all of one day," he grinned. "We thought we'd come to the mother country and kiss the Blarney Stone for luck. She didn't tell her parents we got hitched, y'see?"
The older woman smiled. "I'll see what I can stir up for you," she declared. As she tapped at her keyboard, Sam strolled over to Fi.
"How're you holding up?"
She gave him a dry look. "I've survived twelve days in a bomb shelter with my hands tied over my head. Skipping lunc
"Speak for yourself, baby, I'm starving!" Sam rubbed his stomach.
"Do you HAVE to call me baby in public?" she complained. "They're going to think I'm your favorite pet."
"You are," he smirked. "Do you really wanna see your brothers?"
"I have to. It isn't every day that I get married."
He smirked. "You mean it's not a tradition out here? Could've fooled me."
She elbowed him as the desk clerk called Sam back. Suddenly, they had room for both of them, a suite facing the cliffs over on the top floor.
Sam smiled benignly. The woman hadn't even taken her money.
***
Foreign relations are important to countries with small money problems. Rest assured, they'll do anything to take your tax dollars and keep them where they belong. If that means giving you a better room, or even putting on a funny brogue and wearing the green, they'll do it. Especially if you're a cute-looking, hapless newlywed couple.
Sam would have preferred Hawaii, but (for once) he was willing to indulge Fiona's desires. Fortunately, those hadn't led them astray - it was a lovely area of town, and Sam was glad that she'd picked this place for their honeymoon. Of course, the meeting with Sean loomed large in the back of his mind. He wanted to impress
He sipped his pint appreciatively while Fi ordered them a fresh round. "...And I need to get a Connemara marble necklace for Madeline before we leave. Otherwise, I'm putty in your hands."
"And other places," Sam added, a devilsh glint in his eyes.
"Oh Sam," she complained lightly, "I..." the bar's phone rang, and was suddenly thrust between them.
"Phone call for Glennnane," said the barkeep.
She turned toward it and began to mumble into the receiver. "What? Oh....Yes..." She sighed. "Michael and Samantha," she said to Sam.
Sam mock-waved at the phone. "Charles says hello," she declared. He flipped her off as she chuckled softly. "What Michael? No, we haven't seen Sean. Yes, we're keeping our eyes out for anyone who might want to hurt me. Of course we're prepared, aren't we, Charles?"
"Aye, my dove," Sam teased. Fi just rolled her eyes. "Yes, we'll be fine. Right, right. Goodbye, Michael," she said, hanging up the phone.
"So," Sam teased, "when did Sean say he was going to meet us?"
"Four hours. You know what that means?"
"What?" Sam breathed, leaning in, clearly hoping that it meant something very, very good was about to happen.
"We have time to go shopping," she declared, to the concert of his groan.
***
Sean met them at a restaurant, complete with brown bread, two hours later. Sam, loaded down with shopping bags, watched the reunion with a smile.
He held out a hand. "How are you, Axe?"
"All right," he said. "How's it hanging, Sean?"
"Right as rain," he replied. "So, I understand ye want Fiona's hand."
Sam stared, deadpan, over at Fi, who averted her eyes. "That's right."
"And what happened to McBride?"
"He's...married to a woman who has his child. They're very happy."
Sean eyed Sam. "You're a tough one, Axe. Ye should be able to pay the Glenanne bride price handily."
"Well, sure...wait, bride price?"
Fiona shrugged again.
"A contest to the pain, brother," Sean declared. "Drinks all around!"
Sam grinned. Oh, he had a feeling he was going to like being a part of this family.
***
Six hours later, Fiona held his head while he tossed his cookies for the hundredth time. "I think the rye put you over the top," Fi remarked, patting his head.
"Urgh, kill me," Sam groaned. "Where the hell did Sean get that shit?"
"Probably Bulgaria. He has a few contacts." She patted Sam's head. "No more fun for you tonight." She stretched and yawned. "But you held it together in front of him, and that was all he wanted to see." She kissed Sam's forehead and gave him a glass of water to rinse his mouth out with. "I'm going to bed. Going to join me?"
"Yeah, I think it's all out of my system." He staggered into the bedroom, shedding his clothing as he went. "So, Fi, that was the Glenanne bridal price?"
She nodded. "A man has to prove he's worthy of being the husband of Glenanne, or the brothers of the daughter stone him."
"Harsh. You've got a hell of a family, red." He pecked her forehead before rolling over to turn off the light. "Glad I'm part of it."
Fi grinned. "I'm glad, too."